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How to work with vampires

When you are a professional evildoer you sometimes need to ally forces with entities whose ways may be alien to your normal outlook: gangsters, barbarians, accountants, and, in some cases, vampires. Once you overcome the initial sense of the weird associated with immortal blood-sucking dwellers in darkness reeking of the grave, you are likely to find vampire allies to be a rewarding addition to an evil plot and to find them invaluable in incorporating them in your other schemes for these very features.

If you are a supervillain who happens to be a vampire, you can still get something out of these tips if you think of them as insights into the way the non-vampiric view your kind, and either choose to sidestep the areas of conflict or heighten them, as you see fit.

Evil plotpoints

Put yourself in their coffin. If you bring an ounce of empathy to your working relationship with vampires you will stand a better chance at understanding their motivations and concerns. Beyond the obvious, what do they crave? power? an end to psychic torment? What do they fear, if anything? Are they a united group or do they conceive of themselves as independent terrors?
Incentivize. Once you know what makes the vampire tick, tailor your reward and penalty structure as sensitively as you can. For instance, on attack, the more of your enemy they eliminate the more points toward vampire-related merchandise they can earn. You can tempt them with posh gravesites, lined cloaks, bulk sunscreen, and, of course, blood.
Protection. Beyond your usual personal safety precautions, when working in close quarters among vampires you may need to instruct your bodyguards to be alert, particularly in the dead of night. By the same token, if you can arrange to set a few of the more intimidating individuals as vampiric jailers you may turn the shock and horror they engender to your advantage.

Strokes of genius

Immortality. Because unlike simple mortals they do not grow old and infirm, you can plan to save a bundle on retirement benefits for your vampire associates.
Infiltration. Not all vampires care to exercise a shape-shifting ability, but those who can transform themselves to bats and back again are invaluable assets in situations calling for discreet surveillance, escape from bonds, or the retrieval of DNA samples.
Space vampires. These differ from the regular kind in several important respects, such as their tolerance of a wider range of living situations. Some of them are not even particularly interested in the consumption of blood, preferring to feed upon life force directly using a technology our science cannot comprehend, and can often roam abroad in full daylight depending on the features of their home planet. If you can strike a deal with them to work against your foes, they can serve as a devastating and terrifying weapon.

Traps for mere fools

The Sun, it burns! Those who enjoy baking under a cloudless summer sky can sometimes have a hard time understanding the disdain with which their vampire allies regard the daylight hours. Provide ample shade around your lair or bivouac, and adapt your plans so as not to waste the precious night.
Holy images. The undead of the devout sort tend to be uneasy around these, though the more modern freethinking vampire can be indifferent. If there is some doubt, leave the holy rood out.

Precious and needful

Starched collars. For you and your minions
Blood in a can. Available in convenient pallet-size quantities.
Impaling spikes.
Paper towels.

Related evilHows

Further plotting

Image credit Nosferatu (sort of) by the justified sinner
Image credit palelexie by Skelekitten
Image credit zack drools blood} by [http://www.flickr.com/photos/zen/
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Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Wednesday 22 of July, 2009 21:33:29 EDT by GrinningSkull.

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