There is nothing that can take the place of a good night's sleep. Without it, we wander through our compound or out on a caper feeling groggy, unable to focus, and low in energy. Skimping on sleep can affect one's reaction time while operating heavy weaponry and pursuing heroes, and can even lead to one's adversaries gaining a tactical advantage at an inopportune moment. We would not want that, now would we?
- Personal security. It is rather difficult to fall asleep and get a good night's rest if you feel menaced in any way. This includes not only imminent bodily threats but also a sense of psychic danger, even on a subconscious level. Some villains have a ritual of inspecting the defenses around their lair, checking their surveillance systems, securing their captives, and finally barricading their sleeping quarters before retiring. If you are away on operations, make sure the integrity of your mobile base comes up to your standards so you can let down your guard.
- Physical preparations.Try to avoid spending an entire day at sedentary activities. Frequent exercise can aid in sleepiness at your normal bedtime. About an hour beforehand a little light activity (stretching, yoga, or light aerobic evildoing such as sharpening your edged weapons) might also help. Closer to bedtime, something relaxing such as taking a warm bath in soothing herbs or reading a scroll of curses can be effective.
- Mental preparations. If you need to slow down your mind, which is full of scheming and rehashing your dirty deeds, it might be helpful to carry out some routine bit of work that engages the mind on some very basic level which you can bring to a good stopping point. Many villains find counting their filthy lucre rest-enhancing in this fashion, while others favor reading entrails or journalling instead.
- Regularity. Try to arrange to go to bed at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning, so your body will tend to follow its natural rhythm.
Strokes of genius
- Anxiety waking. Suppose you manage to fall asleep fine, but find yourself waking up in the dead of night, perhaps screaming and convinced that you are in the clutches of enemies. If you look around yourself and find that you are not in fact being menaced by your foes, it may take a while to settle back down to the business of sleeping. If you feel constricted by your pajamas or bedclothes, you might avoid that stifling feeling by throwing them off. Fluff up your pillow, check your sidearms, leave the lights low, and try to meditate on your happy evil place till your body naturally falls back to sleep.
- Jet lag. You probably know about the built-in clock maintained by your hormones and your brain that regulates the cycle of wakefulness and sleep. There are various strategies of defeating jet lag, including dietary modifications, animal sacrifice, administration of melatonin, accelerated temporal realignment, and the consumption of large amounts of fluids, which are of varying efficacies. One of the best strategies is to attempt to channel Chuck Norris mentally, making his ability to transfer his personal headache to those around him your own.
- Picture show. Some experts recommend that some patients experiencing severe insomnia have the inside of their eyelids tattooed with some pleasant image, and that they fall asleep with a night light sufficiently powerful to allow them to see that vision as they begin to drift off. You may try taking this one step further with the application of microcircuitry to animate the eyelid tattoo so as to give an even stronger impression of that place or thing that you find restful to contemplate.
- Sex. Well, there is sex. But you probably already have been thinking about that anyway, knowing how these things go.
Traps for mere fools
- Crippling remorse. This is the irrational feeling that somehow you did something other than what fully needed to be done (one form was covered in this wiki here). Rather than run through the upsetting scenario mentally, try thinking of something which diverts your mind away from the past, such as the threat of invasion by invisible teleporting crustaceans.
- Heavy, indigestible food.
- Liquid intravenous nicotine. And other stimulants, in the evening.
- High yield ordnance.
Precious and needful
- Glass of milk.
- Powerful pharmaceuticals.
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- Image credit Dreaming Girl by Elfleda
- Image credit Beetle Hooks by mtsofan
- Image credit Sleeping Beauty by Rajiv Ashrafi