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How to plan a mass grave

****One or two you already know how to deal with, but what if you have a dozen or a hundred excess remains to deal with in an orderly way? A special attention to detail at the outset can save a lot of trouble down the road (perhaps literally) when it comes to a super-sized job like this.

Too often we have all seen hastily assembled killing fields which speak volumes against the haste with which they were seeded, the scars on the landscape memorializing the pedestrian unconcern at their foundation. Frequently, too, a burying ground that could well have memorialized the burnt dreams of dozens or hundreds simply melts into the landscape where it will lie, forgotten, of interest only distant eons later to dusty archaeologists instead of haunting the fevered dreams of the multitude. If the masterminds behind these had invested a modicum of thought into the horror these cursed lands could perpetuate long into the future, they would learn what unforgettable monuments to a life of evil these wastelands can prove.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Estimate the capacity. On the internet there are hecatomb calculators, which will help in planning how deep you will need to go, how much soil will be displaced, how much quicklime to dump in among the corpses, and how much time you have to get thins done. Always build in a safety factor in case the demand increases.
  2. Before you dig. The site survey is an important step which should not be skipped. In certain jurisdictions, you are advised to consult with the local utilities to make sure that cable, electric, and gas lines will not be jeopardized by your mass grave. As an evildoer, however, you have the additional benefit of being able to threaten any officials who are inclined to get in your way with becoming part of the dig site personally.
  3. Heavy equipment. On land, you will need large-scale earthmovers, at sea, barges and cranes, and in deep space, transport vehicles of one sort or another. If you haven't worked with them before, check the references the crew you have to operate the equipment is well-versed in the operations you require, and has the stomach for it as well.
  4. Infill and landscaping. For any project other than bones bleaching in the open, you will need some kind of covering over your site for reasons both sanitary and esthetic. Do not skimp on the amount of material by simply backfilling what you excavated in the trenches you dug; typically, this will not be sufficient in the long run and you should seek additional sources of soil. Over the top of everything, various hardy groundcovers can be used to stabilize the mounds and begin the breadown process, which can in time give way to evil woods.

! Strokes of genius

Old Barrow perma-freezer
  • Venting. We refer to gases, not feelings, here. The best performance comes from buried perforated PVC pipe with covered aboveground outlets. You may also at the same time install a system to deal with the liquid leachate that will seep from the mounds, though most malefactors simply leave this vile by-product in the hands of nature.
  • Hardscape. This is the name for any colonnades or obelisks or other permanent structures you may wish to erect to your own loathsome greatness over the cemetery works. Cold basalt or smoke-belching steel are always tasteful choices. As your victims will be many and (mostly) anonymous, the usual stone markers are usually not an option, and most who have engineered the killing rampage are not keen on memorializing their fallen victims at any rate.
  • Davy Jones's locker. For ease of execution it is hard to beat a mass burial in the ocean, if one does not concern oneself with the environmental degradation or with the anonymous nature of a deep-sea dump. One may wish to check out a chart of the ocean currents to be prepared beforehand of the likelihood of your victims washing up on a beach, perhaps far from the point of insertion.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Overloading. Put too many remains in too confined a space and one is likely not to be totally satisfied with the outcome in the long run. The winter freeze is likely to heave up skulls and femurs, a thin over-covering will erode away sooner than one might expect, and access to the artifacts of mortality will be too easy for those who mean you no goodwill.
  • Subsidence. If you have not had the luxury of extensive geological surveys of your site before committing to it, say because it just accidentally happened to be the location of the final stand by the good guys not out of any advance planning, you run the very real risk that the grim necropolis will experience unsightly sinkage and puckering. A burial ground piled up with too many layers of bloated bodies without shoring them up in between is very likely to suffer this literal pitfall. It is occasionally possible to go back in and refill the low spots, though this is likely to be more costly than doing the job right the first time.

+ Precious and needful


  • Backhoe.
  • Laser level.
  • Clean fill.
  • Carrion crows.


Further plotting



Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Wednesday 29 of July, 2009 10:52:51 EDT by GrinningSkull.

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