Do you have a tough time scheming or plotting? And do you want to become a better renegade outlaw monster more feared than the rest? If you've broken free of the run of the mill petty criminality and have your heart set on excelling in truly appalling deeds, you'll need to create an ambitious plan for cranial augmentation and be prepared--mentally and physically--for a lot of rigorous discipline, but the potential to come up with a credible set of intellectual chops is almost certainly within you now. The key thing is to introduce a full and balanced range of chemical, cybernetic, and mnemonic enhancement into your natural endowment in order to raise your performance to beyond the natural level.
- Baseline. Using standardized tests, measure your intelligence quotient, along with your long- and short-term memory, your mental agility, your capacity to concentrate, your paranormal aptitudes, and any other mental qualities you would like to improve upon. Be honest and objective for best results. Start off by assessing your intelligence. Are you witty, intuitive, and perceptive, or stupid, vapid, and simpering? Are you flexible and eager to learn new things, or do you hammer away at the same few notions even when they clearly do not apply? Are you tired, easily distracted, prone to fits of anger, often bored? Take a tape measure and measure the circumference around your skull and forehead, the height of your brow, the distance between your eyes, and the length of your spine, recording everything in a blank notebook with today's date. All of this information might come in handy later on as you track your progress.
- The master plan. Above all you must make sure you have a plan before making over your brain, as plunging in without one will get you nowhere. A good plan, is a simple written chart that shows you what you plan to change, along with concrete numbers and deadlines. Do not worry about showing this to anyone else for fear of what they might think out of envy or spite; the master plan is yours and yours alone.
- Big steps first. Once you have your big picture written down in broad outline, start with the most important problems and fix them, working your way from your biggest problems to your smallest. Make careful note of any equipment you need to buy, outside experts, sacrificial victims, or anything else required to accomplish each goal. For instance, if you need to have a quantum computing cranial implant, sketch out a budget for the parts and the engineering and surgical teams you will need to implement this, as best you can estimate them. You may wish to collect biographical information on evil geniuses you admire and how they were able to boost their own faculties and in what order they did so. Before you get up from your working area, make some step in the direction toward each of the big goals you have outlined so as to get the ball rolling.
- Hook up your head. In your master plan, you will probably be outfitting yourself with some sort of additional assistance in processing capacity:
- Mechanical. An electronic brain, direct Internet hookups, transdimensional cybernetic shunts, or the like
- Organic. A second head, an increase in brain size beyond the volume of the brain pan, tropical jungle serum treatments, and so forth
- Something else entirely. A ghost-slave, alien engram implants, telekinetic killing glands unknown to science.
- Memory training. Do not forget your memory. Experts estimate that over 75% of all evil genius can be attributed solely to remembering stuff that normal people have sensibly discarded from their psyches. One trick to use relies on the way one always remember highly emotional moments better than less emotionally loaded ones, in which you learn to associate a particular fact or piece of important information with a vivid bit of horrific torture burned indelibly on your mind's eye.
- Schedule. As you recover from the physical and psychic enhancements, spend a series of sessions designed to develop your new talents, one or two hours each with a 15 minute break in between to stretch your mental tendrils. Alternate between different disparate aspects of your mental abilities. If you are working on controlling others with your mind, for instance, practice this with one subject in the morning and a different one in the afternoon or evening rather than in one marathon session. Your brain needs this time to adapt, organize, re-process, and store this new way of using its circuits and you will find that this helps you with flexibility and recovery from injury. Incorporate crosstraining into your regime to prevent boredom and burnout. Have your mental game ready, be relentless in every aspect, refuse to give up when setbacks occur.
- Recovery. Schedule regular mental health days where you do nothing more strenuous than consider what you would like for lunch. Deep recovery is as vital to maximizing unnatural brain performance as any other aspect of physical training. Stick to your master plan: This is important. As the time of trial comes ever closer, you may start to panic and begin to question your ability or preparation. Calm down. If you've done the long-term training, you should have no problems.
Strokes of genius
- Get schooled. Consider working with a personal brain trainer to get yourself started on a personally customized regimen. This can provide you with valuable one-on-one feedback that postsecondary school typically lacks. Many hypercephalic retired supervillains are more than willing to work closely with a young protege of sympathetic goals not only for the pay but for the personal satisfaction that bringing a higher level of evil into the world can provide.
- Diet. Eat a well-balanced diet throughout your mental formation, including those nutrients that any foreign brain inclusions might require above and beyond your regular fare. Remember that carbohydrates are what grey matter truly craves, and that 6 to 8 pints of water a day to prevent dehydration is also a prudent guidline. If you are growing a substantial amount of additional cranial tissue, high-protein beans, milk solids, or brewer's yeast are your first line of nutrients, and if it is more of an electronic installation you are sporting, a low-voltage high-current recharging period is the fastest way to replenish your battery reserves.
- Chemical cocktails. Not only for recreational use, human growth hormone and steroidal hormones, stimulants and sleep-suppressants, sedatives, mind-expanding hallucinogens and pain-killers, focus enhancers and mood alterants are another way you can try to gain that important mental edge over the challenges you can face. Some of these have been demonstrated to cause adverse effects particularly on the liver, cardiovascular system and reproductive system, which might give one pause. With proper care, the much-advertised long- and short-term health risks of so-called smart drugs can be managed so that the dangers are no greater than those of more conventional psychic experimentation in the first place. One thing you can try if you are unsure about whether a pharmaceutical preparation will have the desired effect is to first try it on a human subject (willing or unwilling) to see whether the side effects are more of a nuisance than the demonstrated benefits. If you can arrange to do this with a potential or actual rival, so much the better.
- Music. Even if its effect is purely that it makes the user feel better and the adversary feel worse, it is worth a try incorporating music into your mental training regimen in a structured fashion. Subjects report that the best effect on affect and performance is obtained when the actual real-world situation closely resembles the training setting, so it is probably a wise to try to bring the music out with you into the field of operations as well, in the form of mobile amplified speakers which can be heard from a long distance away if the need arises.
Traps for mere fools
- Fatigue. If you do not get enough sleep, before and after a round of mental calisthenics, much of the benefit is wasted because your brain will need to fight a tendency to revert to a state of inert matter. Facts and data will have a hard time passing through inactive communication channels, the decision-making apparatus will be erratic and occasionally self-defeating, and you may as well forget about any psionic ability to speak of. It does not stop with the brain itself; if the body has depleted stores of glucose and oxygen, it will supply the brain only with vastly reduced efficiently, certainly not at the level required by the on-the-go villainous lifestyle. It seems that sleep somehow allows the brain to recombine old memories to produce flashes of evil insight on the unconscious level. So if you are pushing yourself to run your schemes at superhuman pace, stop racking your brains and get your head down on a pillow.
- Lobe neglect. Much has been written and said about the left-brain/right-brain dichotomy, some of it speculative and overblown. It is a matter of some debate among brain scientists exactly how the analytic linguistic functions and the holistic spatial intelligence is implemented in grey matter. What is little in doubt, however, is the way that developing one lobe of your brain at the expense of the other is not only shortsighted, but unsightly.
- Junk food. According to unpublshed academic research, carbonated drinks and salty snacks each take ten points off of a villain's IQ, more if the drink is made out of malted grain.
Precious and needful
- Peace and quiet. The brain works most efficiently in detention hall
- Mozart symphonies.
- Adjustable baseball caps.
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- Image credit Tasty Brains by matildaben
- Image credit Brainchild Pincushion (SOLD) by nullalux
- Image credit my brains - let me show you them by Liz Henry
Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Thursday 16 of July, 2009 15:03:48 EDT by .