Sometimes you want nothing but the very best for others. For instance, when you are the sole supplier of a powerfully euphoric psychoactive agent, whether it be a drug, a device, or a cult, you would like nothing better than to have everyone savor the depth experience of their life, again and again. Getting your goods produced in mass quantities, distributing them to your committed users, and recruiting new loyal fans to sing its praises are challenges an evil mastermind must take on with relish in order to be successful at this game, but if you have the knack of producing just what people want and that of avoiding the menaces which might derail your empire, it can be a very, very successful and satisfying career.
- Select a delivery mechanism. You may wish to start with something simple to produce with readily available materials without expensive equipment: hobo wine or bathtub gin. The rough edges will limit the type of clientele you will be able to attract, however, so if you have the means and facilities you should be better off going upmarket to more refined chemical, electrical, or metaphysical delights.
- Testing. Animal or artificial analogue testing is good for roughing out the territory, as in identifying an agent which has something of the desired effect and estimating the size of a lethal dose in people. Soon, however, you will need to turn to full-blown human (or whatever) testing to come up with some accurate dosage guidelines. Eventually as your product hits the street, testing can transition to test-marketing with the aid of your eager users.
- Distribution. Traditionally only the most mainstream mood alterants can afford to reach their users through a storefront model of marketing, so most up and coming flavors of heaven require a pyramid of regional kingpins overseeing community bosses supervising local expendable agents. Also, most of the time the product marketing campaign consists only of the product itself, through free or low-cost samples and perhaps a small handful of high-profile users who have access to the mass media. If you are accustomed to the supply chains used by legitimate enterprises this may seem to be both inefficient and chaotic, but experience has shown this model to be the most robust structure when the commodity is required to use only underground channels.
- Take it mainstream. Once you have demonstrated that your clients can function as productive members of society (albeit only under the influence of your wares), you should work on establishing a presence on every corner, in every shopping mall, and in the kitchens and medicine cabinets of the population at large. Use your influence on the medical-pharmaceutical establishment to promote studies showing the healthy aspects of consumption, and on health gurus to tout the ways it allows the psyche to access untapped potential.
Strokes of genius
- Treatment programs. If there is a cure, an antidote, or a remedy to your product, it is your obligation to try to carve off as much of that action as well, whether by partnership or by out-and-out ownership of those assets. Initially the revenue stream will be completely dwarfed by the flood of money coming from your main line of merchandise, but over the long haul, as those with the means attempt to straighten out their tortured lives, the other end of the dependency lifecycle should start to pick up and provide welcome diversification to your portfolio.
- Branding. It is desirable if your ticket to mental fireworks is tangibly different from those which have gone before, not only in appearance but if at all possible in the rituals of administration. If you are the first and only head trip which requires the practitioner to bore holes into their own cranium, for example, this is to be regarded as an advantage, not as a disadvantage, because of the built-in fascination this one fact will engender.
- Samples. If your product is first-rate, the best way to promote it is to allow it to sell itself. Even if it isn’t all that, the lure of the free may keep your patrons coming back long enough for you to establish your indispensability to their new way of life.
Traps for mere fools
- The Man. If your flourishing version of artificial transcendence is considered to be bad for business (with government considered to be a special case), prepare to have their operatives nosing about for ways to shut your operation down. You can try to go to the top to cut a deal with the authorities, but this approach has met with only limited success in the past. Instead, you may find it opportune to engineer a self-imposed scarcity of your commodity in the spirit of cooperation and high prices at the expense of market share.
- The rabble. If you have crafted your network properly, you at the top of the web will be many layers removed from those mired in the muck at the bottom, who may seek to do you ill. Be wary of drawing lieutentants, consorts, or domestics from that murky pool in case you have the bad fortune of meeting one hoping to go out in a blaze of glory with you in attendance.
- Your own trap. Perhaps you got started in this business out of sincere fandom of the experience your product brings on a first-hand basis. At some point, however, you need to know where to draw the line over which you yourself will not cross, separating you as a producer from you as a cripplingly addled user. It all depends on the relative importance you place upon transformative depth experience versus personal longevity.
- Energy gobbling grow lights.
- Random gunplay. Generally regarded as bad for business.
Precious and needful
- Suitcases. To hold the cash. Inside shipping containers. Inside warehouses.
- Dealer relationship management software.
- Lifestyle trappings.
- Violent amoral biker gang security force.
- Astral travel guides.
- Alcohol wipes.
- How to make the world live as one
- How to tickle
- How to lead barbarians to their doom
- How to come up with brand new evil schemes
- How to fly without an airplane
- How to worship an evil god
- How to oppress the meek
- How to prank your adversaries
- How to betray your master
- How to hasten the Singularity
- How to get apes to accept you as their leader
- How to peddle evil products
- How to earn money part-time
- How to run a restaurant
- How to run an institution of higher learning
- How to display a mastery of wine
- How to become the richest being in the Solar System
- How to control the governments of the world
- How to rule men's minds through sex
- How to reign over love slaves
- How to roll with a gang of energy beings
- How to read minds
- How to clean a dungeon
- How to survive a road trip
- How to run a police state
- How to manage a virgin supply chain
- How to interest young people in evil
- How to make an evil sabayon
- How to make the voices of your victims stop
- How to hasten the Singularity
- How to run a virtual world
- Image credit surrender by alicepopkorn - busy
- Image credit My weekly supply of adderal by D.C.Atty
- Image credit Needle by Michael @ NW Lens