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How to breed monsters

****Ah monsters! What would an proper evil genius be without them? Their stomach-turning shapes populate the nightmares of children, they shock grown men and women out of their sickening complacency, and they haunt the last agonized thoughts of the aged. If you have the zoological and paranormal knowledge that no man should ever possess, you may find that a well-done monster collection will go further in cementing your reputation than anything else you fashion.

The variety of monstrous creations is infinite, limited only by your appetite for biological degradation. Whether it is in disgusting shapes or in violent life-threatening armament that you are interested, there is a grotesque monster platform that can accommodate your visions. Breeding nightmarish horrors is either easy or impossible, depending on whether they decide to cooperate and lay eggs/spread spores/grow buds, but the only way to find out for sure is by trying!

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Breeding stock selection. Here there is no substitute for experience. Meet or abduct one learned in the ways of fell beings and extract an expert opinion before committing to an initial set of monstrosities. One can pick up a lot of knowledge just by being around someone in the know, especially if they are being racked properly. Make sure you have at least one male and at least one female monster (if they're constructed that way). Pedigrees and bloodlines should be researched with proper written documentation backing up any extraordinary claims.
  2. Habitat. Sometimes it is worth your while accommodating the needs of an exotic beast, such as one which thrives best in the Fifth Demonic Realm. Simulate the conditions as best you can with regards to shelter, light, lightning storms, and host organisms. Talk to a mad scientist and an architect (mad- or not) about how to fit this into the existing site plan of your lair or whether it would be best to add an exotic habitat zone for them.
  3. Make them do it. Even if it pains them. They. Must. Perform. Learn about the type of climate your type of monster is unnaturally suited to and try to replicate the normal breeding season in vitro to make your charges think it is time to breed, whether it involves temperature, atmospheric composition, or ionic charges. Some monsters require a sudden change in climate to trigger the breeding impulse or the presence of live prey species.

! Strokes of genius


  • Multitask. When you are out walking the dire wolves, also inspect your perimeter defenses. When you have a bunch of hungry manticores pacing the compound, see whether there might be a captive or two cluttering up the dungeon that you might have forgotten about. And when you send your gryphons on their hunting sorties, have them take a pass or two around that cornice that attracts all those unsightly pigeon droppings, by way of warning. If nothing else, giving the creatures something useful to do will tend to lessen the amount of grumbling by your rank and file about the amount of care they require.
  • Can you put them on ice? Since you may need to be away from the lair for long periods of time, it is a great boon if you have a way to put the whole weird bestiary into suspended animation (whether technological or magical) for the duration. This also helps answer the problem of how to deal with heating bills for the monsterworks during the winter.
  • Eye appeal. Much of the monstrous impact comes from the behavior of the creature around those you wish to impress. If a sleeping dragon is a 5 on a scale of fearsomeness, one which is belching smoke and roaring in a convincing manner is up near a 9 or so. Monsters raised with great care from their early days by your monster wardens may have their appropriate responses to humans muted, however, so be sure to have these sharpened back up (using whatever victims that come across your way) for when you want them to look their best.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Failure to thrive. Sometimes, a monster-maker goes a bit too far and the creation turns out not to prosper. Learn from your missteps and see whether it is only a matter of fine-tuning one or two parts of the desgn. And even if the attempt proves to be a total loss, you might as well make the most of the experience by placing the ghastly results in a prominent place for all to see, by way of warning so to speak.Critter in bad shape
  • Maternal bonds. Though you may not be interested in hand-feeding the young creatures on your own, you may still wish to separate them from their mother before they are a couple weeks old lest this prove to be difficult or life-threatening later on. Some species are especially prolific breeders so you may need to institute a special recruiting drive to assure sufficient minions are on hand to perform this function during the mating season.

+ Precious and needful

  • Digital camera. For documenting the birth and development of a creature, often for the very first time. But make sure that the young thing is not put off by harsh studio lighting before it is ready.
  • Bedding. Sawdust and straw are traditional materials, but perhaps you have a surplus of bones of your defeated enemies which can be ground into a meal and reused. It's planet-friendly and repulsive at the same time!


Further plotting



Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Saturday 27 of June, 2009 18:38:00 EDT by GrinningSkull.

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