How to bake cakes of doom
TAG GOES HEREIt's kind of disgusting when you think about it


All of this meaning mostly that down on the sideboard there is an assortment of baked goods with a certain gloomy aura around them and unwholesome aroma as well that I'm thinking it's best to be steering clear of, and the sooner they're out of here and on their way to wherever and whomever I think the better. Seriously.
Blog post by Capella
Dirty deeds
Evilcraft
Style
Tagline
The carbs and trans fats are the least of our worries here


Evil plotpoints
- The nice parts. A cake of doom is supposed to resemble a delightful confection you might find in a normal bakery, as much as possible, so to this end 90% or more of it may be composed of actual delightful elements. This allows for the maximum amount of deflation when its true nature is revealed. Some evildoers who find this degree of sweetness and pleasure distasteful prefer to confine the pleasantness of the cake sheerly in its reputation, leaving open the possibility that the actual physical specimen may be a miserable unpleasant travesty to even a casual glance.
- The doomy parts. The difference between a regular cake you would bake in your kitchen and a cake of doom is that one is baked with love and care, and the other with curses and toxins. Put as much care in selecting the one as you would the other, if you were a normal person. Some of our very favorites are listed below.
- Tease. Part of the preparation for the cake of doom is the buildup of anticipation you create in the recipient, who is led to anticipate free dessert at the end of their struggles but ends up with something much more doom-laden than they bargained for. By delaying the gratification as long as possible you not only cause them to suffer, you also blow the imagined treat into something far beyond any reasonable expectation. Finally, when the true horror of what they are to experience becomes clear to them, there is a third cruel payoff.
- Unleash the horror. As in the case of comedy, mastery in the art of villainy is in the timing. Savor the crestfallen expression on your target's features when they encounter their bitter lot.

Strokes of genius
- Oversell the fantasy. Invest in birthday candles, fondant icing, and enough candy sprinkles to make your creation look almost too perfect. When it comes to desserts, even the most suspicious tend to succumb to what their eyes show them.
- Mind the fine print. Be sure to read the entire list of ingredients well in advance. If the recipe you have chosen requires soil from a crypt, you should allow sufficient time to obtain this and any other materials not found at your grocer's.
- The candied fruit of madness. Fruitcakes of doom are strictly for the most dedicated of supervillains, owing primarily to the difficulties in delivering them in a convincing fashion to the intended victim. This works best around the time of the midwinter holidays when people's suspicions are less likely to be aroused by an implausibly dense loaf made up of garishly clashing colors.
Traps for mere fools
- Visible wiring.
- Unusual sounds. Ticking, sizzling, or moaning is likely to set off a subject's alarm bells.
- Melted ice cream.
- Uneven frosting. It is best to wait until your concoction is completely cool before attempting to slather it with butter icing.
- Transporting long distances.

Precious and needful
- Heavy metals. Avoid bismuth which is excessively soothing to the digestive system.
- Crawling vermin.
- Cursed flatware. Not silverware. You may wish to substitute a samurai sword depending on the occasion.
- Chunks of granite.
- Concrete.
- Flaming brandy. Or napalm.
- Lard.
- Black
icing. Cephalopod-based frostings are especially appropriate.
- Splinters of glass.
- Rusty needles.
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Further plotting
- Image credit Flaming Christmas Pudding
by formalfallacy @ Dublin (Victor)
- Image credit Bad Juju
by Henthorn
- Image credit Smashing the Cake with Love!
by audioeric
- The Bundt Cake of Barad-Dur
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- Forum
Created by: CapellaNovafyre.
Last Modification: Monday 22 of October, 2012 21:49:15 EDT by CapellaNovafyre.